Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Yeah, but my kids are funnier

I know that all kids say funny things, but I am quite certain mine say the funniest things. On the way to my husband's family reunion in southern Utah last weekend, I had my window down in the car. Little H wanted it rolled up so she commanded me to roll it up. If I am commanded to do something, something inside of me forces me to resist, so I only rolled it up a little bit. Then she commanded me more forcefully, "Mom, row up the window!" So I rolled it up a little bit more. This went on a couple more times before she realized she needed to be more precise in her instructions. So she yelled, "Mom! Row it up ho!" It took me a couple of seconds to realize that she was not calling me a whore (although I wouldn't put it past her), but instead was intending to say, "Roll it up whole," meaning all the way.

On the way back from said trip to southern Utah, Big H was playing his game boy and in a trance that only parents of kids who play game boys can understand. Little H was being characteristically chatty (as she has been since we finally ditched the binky a few months ago). It started to rain so she said to her dad, "Dad, is it raining?" To which he replied, "Yep honey, it is." Not one to stop after just one question, Little H asked him, "Where does the rain come from? The sky?" At that point my husband hears Big H say under his breath, without his thumbs slowing down or his eyes moving off of the game boy, "From the clouds, you retard." My husband started laughing convulsively while trying not to let Little H know she'd just been called a retard. When he calmed down, he said quietly to Big H, "Don't call your sister a retard." Again without missing a game boy beat, Big H simply muttered "Sorry" and kept playing.

I swear, everyone should have kids for no other reason than that they are good for at least one belly laugh a day. Those of you who don't have kids, can you honestly say you have one good belly laugh a day? Probably not. Although your laundry is probably all caught up and you don't have red jello ground into your carpet minutes after you instructed a couple of small people not to eat red jello in the living room.